Health jokes
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Roger.
(Roger who?)
Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!
Why do you never see gay people in wheelchairs?
You can’t be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
Q: What's green and yellow and eats balls?
A: Gonorrhea.
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...
In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.
Want one way to get a free haircut?
Call the cancer hotline.
What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.
Only if Africa have enough mosquito nets, the mosquitos will not die of AIDS.
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)