HA jokes
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.
Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.
What has more brains than a student in a school shooting? The wall behind them.
What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?
Me & my dad!
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
Memes
Primary School Maths Teacher: Maths has no Limits!
High School Maths Teacher: There's this thing called Limits.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him up!
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair.
It has feathers. LOL.
My anxiety has anxiety.
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
The world has turned upside down. Orphans are now being homeschooled.
What cookie has an orphan never had?
Homemade.
Your hairline is so curvy now, Ice Spice has competition!
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and a book?
A book has papers.
Whatβs the difference between Kendrick Lamar and an orphan?
He has family ties.