Guys jokes
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
Guys, let's make this post have the most comments on the whole website.
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
"I met a girl and she's 28."
"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."
- AJR
What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?
"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!
I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.
We started playing rocket league.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”