GUI jokes

I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy, and he seemed disappointed, so I reminded him that he has no family.

Popular guy in class: I am so funny.

Me: Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing at it.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

A guy ate your hairline because it reminded him of a McDonald's fry!

Hey guys,

I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

"Guys! Let’s hang out after school!"

Dude named Guys:

Dude named Out:

Dude named School:

Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.

A guy walks into an AA meeting and asks for a road map.

Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!

Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?

Rolls Royce.

A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"

What does a French guy say when he falls off?

Oh no, Eiffel!

If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."

A guy is talking to an Indian therapist.

He had a red dot, and the American thought it was from a sniper rifle and tackled him and said, "I thought the red dot on your head was from a sniper rifle!"

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."

The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"