Why do orphans hate apples?
Because they get picked over.
Grief Jokes
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang. Unlike its parents, it comes back.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't run home.
If I make fun of orphans, they will cry to their parents.
Oh wait...
I would stop bullying the orphan kid, what's he gonna do? Cry to his mommy?
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He can't run home.
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Me: Hey, are your parents home?
Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
How do you make an orphan's hand bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.
I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”
Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.
Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Timmy: *starts crying*
Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
What is the difference between an orphan and a phone?
A phone has a home button.
Teacher: I am an orphan.
Students: Oof.
Teacher: Is there anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
Why do orphans hate dodgeball?
No one misses them.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can't go home.
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
