Friday

Friday jokes

Closet

    • Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

    Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”

    Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”

  • 0
    • Friday memes

    Parent

    • "Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

    Bar

    • Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

    The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

    Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

  • 0

    • Cookout

    • I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

    Keyboard

    • My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

    Goodbye

    • I wanted to put this up so I could say goodbye to everyone that I chatted with, like Gwen or MEG... So, yea, see you next year after Friday.

    Google

    • Friday's opening is open. Religion: "Dark model?" Hopi, Kahan, Virra, Sayla, Salafa, Sales, Power, Sleep. Google is “that cave”.

  • 1

    • Homework

    • One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"

    The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"

    And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"

    The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"

    Johnny replied with, "OK."

    Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"

    Hell

    • A guy was doing bad things and died and went to hell.

    Demon: Why you sad?

    Guy: I’m in hell, can’t you see?

    Demon: Well, we have fun here at hell.

    Guy: Really? Nice.

    Demon: We do sleeping in on Mondays.

    Guy: OoOoOo

    Demon: Tuesdays we swim in our lava or dive in fire. If you die, you’re already dead ☠️

    Guy: Ok, does that mean I’m a ghost?

    Demon: No, you're not a ghost.

    Demon: Wednesdays we do a dance party and smoke and drink 🍺

    Guy: Ooooooo, I can’t wait 😜

    Demon: Thursdays we drink all day until we throw up and die, and you're already dead, remember that?

    Guy: Ok, but I am dead, and if I die again, I was already dead, right?

    Demon: Yup.

    Demon: I have a question: Are you gay, and do you like kissing fire girls, and if you die, you are already dead?

    Guy: Ummm, I am not gay, and I don’t like kissing fire girls 😱😱😱

    Demon: Then you won’t like Friday or Saturday or Sunday, heheh.

    Guy: I’m dead for real in the hell 🪦🏴‍☠️☠️☠️💀

    Hell helll helll R.I.P hell is gone for now.

    Cowboy

    • A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?

  • 4