Figurative language jokes

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.

A pirate walked into a bar with his ship's steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, "Hey! What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate says, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"

Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.

“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”

Bitches be like, "Read the room."

What genre is that in?

I’ve seen more life in a trampled garden gnome than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes.

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.

I wish my grass was emo, then it would cut itself.

Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,

HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!

My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."