Figurative language jokes

I’ve seen more life in a trampled garden gnome than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes.

“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”

A pirate walked into a bar with his ship's steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, "Hey! What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate says, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"

Bitches be like, "Read the room."

What genre is that in?

Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.

So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.

So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”

The principal's office smells nice.

If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.

I set fiya to the rain! Wait, no, that ain't possible, what... I evaporated the rain!

Desmend: FLY

Draco: FLY

Me: DIE

I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.