Fat

Fat jokes

Wife

My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.

Wife

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Mama

Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!

Mum

Your mum is so fat, when she was in front of my apartment, I couldn't get in.

Wife

My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.

Wife

My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.

Wife

My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!

Gas Station

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

Mama

Your mama is so fat.

She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.

Mama

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

Wife

My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.

Mum

Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!

Starter

Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?

Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.

Panda

What do you call a fat Chinese person that talks way too much? Panda Express.

Mama

Your mama is so fat, when her husband said, "Let's go to the Super Bowl," she bought a spoon.

Yo Momma

Yo momma so fat that it was hard to find the G spot and slip her one at night.

Mama

Yo mama so fat...

That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!