Fat jokes

Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."

You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!

You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.

My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!

My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.

My wife is so fat. She jumped up in the air and got stuck.

My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!

Your mum is so fat, when she was in front of my apartment, I couldn't get in.

Your sister is so short, she needs to roll up her panties.

My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.

My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.

My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!

My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

Your mama is so fat.

She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.