Family jokes
Why didn't the wife want sex?
Because they were having too many babies.
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
Imagine not having a dad.
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
What do you call an adopted orphan?
Wanted.
I started crying when Dad started cutting onions.
Onions was a good dog.
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
I say, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What do sex and food have in common?
My sister makes it better than my cousin.
Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?
They were all family sized!
Orphans: Sad, Depressed, Lonely, Virgin.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "Daddy~"
I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.
You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
Evan, yo mum rode on my big PP love, dad.
I saw my girlfriend walking by. I told her, "Wow, you look so beautiful!" and then we started to talk. Then someone came behind me. She said, "What are you doing?" I said, "I'm flirting," and I remember I was talking to my mom, and my girlfriend was HER MOM, which is my sister, but my girlfriend/sister IS MY WIFE, but my mom is my wife too. Looks like I'm getting a divorced but which one, my girlfriend [or] my mom?
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...