Family jokes
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
Brings a whole new meaning to brotherly love.
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Why do some kids have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?
A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...
It was wrong on so many levels.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.