Family jokes

My daughter is super smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor.

What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?

Raisin' kids.

Orphans more like or fans!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

What does Pikachu and an orphan have in common?

Pikachu, I choose you!

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

One day a son and his grandad were smoking.

Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)

Mom! (DYM 22)

Your mom is FAAAAAAAAAT as FUCK.

When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"

If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?

Mom! (DYM 14)

Teacher: Is anyone's parents missing?

Students: Yeah, yours.

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.

The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.

Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."

All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.

What did the kid say to the orphan?

"Well, at least I have parents!"

I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet."

She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

"Mom, are you still awake?"

I got my son a bike for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair all day crying.

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.