Family jokes
I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't go home.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home run is.
Why can't the orphan play baseball?
Because he does not know where home is.
My brother thinks he's cool when he just SMELLS.
Orphans got me like: 😂
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
What did mum say when grandpa called?
Boomerang.
Why do orphans like fucking other dads?
Because they get to have a daddy.
An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can never score home.
Why aren't orphans gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why did my dad leave me and my mum?
I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"
I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"
(gun shot)
Why can't an orphan have a phone?
Because they will see a home.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Parent: Have you seen your sister?
Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.