Family jokes
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...
It was wrong on so many levels.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.
The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
Memes
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it can never find home.
Why did my parents walk to the other side?
...Why?
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? Because they can't tell their parents.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?
A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”