Family jokes
The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."
What is the difference between a tree and "walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home"?
Was your birthday?
I'ma tell these to my adopted sister.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
Ur mom.
Oh wait, you don't have one.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
Why do orphans die young?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
What do you think of your mom? I can do it.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Why can't an orphan ever play baseball?
Because they never found home.
My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
What did the mom tell her son when he asked for a bowl of cereal? "Sorry your dad wasn't came back with the milk yet."
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
Because they need a parent signature.
Why do orphans love to play family?
Because it's the closest they will be to being normal.