Family Jokes

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

Sisters before misters.

I hope you get better.

I love you.

Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.

And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.

What does a homeless man call his mother?

Useless.

When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”

fat people dont read this

Two Minions dressed as a surgeon and a doctor. The text in the image reads: "Patient: The problem is that obesity runs in our family. Doctor: No, the problem is that no one runs in your family."

Joe Mama!

Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.

I was looking forward to reading the short jokes to see if I could find my uncle.

Why did the adopted kid eat the last cookie? Because he was the only one left to adopt; everyone hated him.

What do frogs wear for shoes? Open toad.

What does your mom say to you? "Love you, moody."

How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.

An orphan was playing with a famous baseball player. The baseball player walks up to him and says, "Dude, I gotta teach you." The orphan goes, "Why? I got all your moves down." The baseball player goes, "But kid, you can never find home, though."

Why do orphans prefer trucks? Because, unlike their parents, it is different.

Your mom is fat, oh yeah, oh yeah, uh, uhhh.

I fucked your mum last night, that she was salty.

What is the difference between you and me? I have parents and yours left...

That's why your grandma 6 ft deep, feet!

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"

The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."

The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."

Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."