Family jokes
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
What games do orphans hate?
Bingo.
I made a website for orphans.
It has no homepage.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.
I have a son. Her name is Zara.
I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.
My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.
Where's your mom?
In the bin.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
The F in orphans stands for family...
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
Cancer doesn't leave.
My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find their way home.
"Ur mum is big."
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.