Family jokes
Your mom gay.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister.
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Brings a whole new meaning to brotherly love.
Why do some kids have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.