Family jokes
Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"
I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.
Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.
What's between an orphan and an apple tray?
The apples get picked.
Why can't my grandma talk?
Because she's dead.
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?
The punchline isn’t apparent.
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All I got was dust and my mom's wig.
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
That's why your grandma 6 ft deep, feet!
What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
Pikachu, I choose you!
If you’re bored, go punch an orphan. What are the parents gonna do?
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?
Not 15, as my basement's still dark.
Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?
Me: 'Cause God made you.
Why are orphans banned from the shop?
No adult to pay for them.
I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.
To: The Orphan
From: ______
Are you depressed? Go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”
Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?”
He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”
Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”