Family jokes
I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."
Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.
I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.
I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.
Your mother's hairline is sooooooo long cause Dora the Explorer could not explore it.
My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite school event? Homecoming!
Roses are red, violets are blue, people think that you’re fat, until they saw your mom.
Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?
They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?
A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.
Why can you hit orphans?
Because they can't tell their parents.
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
I feel wrong. What does this make us?
Still cousins.
Last night little Johnny went to his room and saw people hanging out there, little balls.
I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.
His gay ass dad.
The joke I'm telling is my brother, Joey.