A man died and went to heaven, everytime you cheat you get a worse car, the first man cheated 5 times he got a jeep, the second man cheat 3 times he got a BMW, the third man never cheated he got a Lamborghini, the second man saw the third man sad he said "why are you sad" the third man said "I saw my wife with a scooter".
Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubbas two best friends the three were inseparable agreed.. The first friend said hard to tell can you turn him over the coroner look perplexed but did so nope that's not Bubba. The second friend said he's burnt up pretty bad can you roll him over again the coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway, nope that's not him. Pretty confused the coroner asked how can you tell its not him by rolling him over? well you see Bubba had two assholes, Impossible the coroner replied. The friends said I don't know but everytime we went to town everyone would say here comes Bubba with them to assholes.
Every body loves guns! Everytime I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
Everytime i tell a 911 joke, it bombs
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "everytime someone lies, it ticks once, Mother Terresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, " Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
You are so fat that the waiter said to you everytime: 'sorry for your weight' instead of 'sorry for the wait'
me as a 5-year-old: how do you relate to the twin towers friend : what me: everytime I thing of them I feel sad
Why’s bbc called bbc?
The dude’s shlong gets bigger everytime he says n-
My 3 year old sister kept saying i like your cut g everytime she does i dodge and close my eyes but she's the one who always end up running
Like if u cry everytime.
Everytime a Light Saber goes off, it's just a Jedi Master getting hard over a kid. Lol
what kind of shit does a ghost take everytime? a spooky dookie
Why is the cheetah so bad at hide n seek ? Because Everytime she hides she will always spotted
Yo Mamas so fat, that everytime she goes on a elevator it goes down
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because everytime they take a corner they open up a shop
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
your forehead so big everytime u shout your forehead starts pulsing
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions ..you must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate and you must never hold on to any beef . " The Angel then disappeared. The man did as was told and became generous and kind ..as he emerged from the betting office with all his money... he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person..each and everytime. He ,however couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what . When he died the Angel came back for him .. "But I'm undeserving I can't come with you" he said .. "Yes you can" replied the Angel , "you gave all your stake ( steak) away"
Why are orphans so sad?
Because everytime they swallow, they think... you should have mom
