What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
how do u make a emo kid jump? a bridge.
What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo?
Cutting-edge Technology.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you?
A microwave.
What do Polish people in Poland use chop sticks for?
tweezers.
What do you call an ice skating dwarf?
A midget spinner.
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
Crush: "How much do you love me?"
Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."
Crush: "But it's morning."
Me: "Exactly."
How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?
Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
