Do jokes

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb.

What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.

Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.

What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.

What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.

Do you know Imagine Dragons?

Yeah.

Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.

What do you call an emo filming their suicide?

America's Funniest Home Videos.

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on juan.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?

The first airplane.

Do your buses run on time?

No, they run on diesel.

What do you call an Asian prostitute?

Suck Mi Dong.

Do you know Putin?

Put in these balls in your mouth.

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door

Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student: The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher: She drowned?!

Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

What do you call disabled people that follow politics?

A special interest group.

What do painters and prostitutes have in common?

They're both paid for a good finish.