Do jokes

How do women make you a millionaire?

When you're a billionaire.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

Neither can see their parents.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

Son: A ugly girl.

Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

Son: A pretty one might run away.

Dad: So an ugly one might too.

Son: Yeah, but who cares?

Why do feminists eat so much pussy?

To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.

Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?

Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"

Dad: "Ask your sister."

Girl: "I don't have a..."

Do you want to play Titanic?

When I say iceberg, you go down on me.

How do you blindfold an Asian?

With dental floss.

What joke do you tell an orphan?

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Not your parents.

Dentist: Open up, sir.

Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.

Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.

Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.

Dentist: Do you need help??

Me: Yep.

Dentist: ...

Me: ....

What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."

A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."

Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?

It doesn’t hit home.

What do you call a sophisticated American?

A Canadian.

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?

A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!

How do you avoid getting raped? Never say no.

How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came home with the milk.