Do jokes
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Man, abortion jokes just don't get old, do they?
In fact, they don't age at all.
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
Memes
Q. What do a one-story house and an Alzheimer's victim have in common? A. Nothing going on upstairs.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
What do you call a cow with horns? A horny cow.
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
What do you call a blonde girl standing on her hands?
A brunette with bad breath.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
"Knock Knock..."
"Who's There?"
"Kenya"
"Kenya who?"
"KENYA OPEN THE DOOR IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!!!!"
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
How do you organize a space party? You "planet" with some "cheddar" and "brie"-pare for launch!
How do you see past that forehead?
Why do orphans play with boomerangs?
Because they come back.