Disability jokes
What motorway lane does Stephen Hawking use?
Hard shoulder.
Stephen Hawking was incredible at poker, he had no tell whatsoever.
Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
'cus there was only a stairway to heaven!
What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.
What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven?
Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.
Hi Stephen. Are you a vegetarian?
Well, you are partly right—I'm a vegetable.
Q: What does a special ed student do when he wants to buy his first car?
A: Makes a Down payment.
What's something you shouldn't tell a paraplegic that's being confronted by a bully?
Just walk away.
Why are batteries quicker than Stephen Hawking?
Because they can run out.
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?
"That's the best shag I never had."
Why did Stephen Hawking's girlfriend finish with him? Because he would never walk her home.
Why does everyone think Stephen Hawking is drunk?
Because he can't even walk.
I saw a Down syndrome kid waving at me today, but there's no way I'm swimming all the way over there to save him.
"Eugheugh," said the boy.
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.
If half of Stephen Hawking's house was painted red and half was painted blue, what color were the stairs?
He didn't have any.
What shoe size is Stephen Hawking?
It doesn't matter—he can't walk anyway.
There may be hope for Stephen Hawking yet.
His nose runs.