Disability jokes
I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.
Gravity sure is fast.
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
What is Stephen Hawking's least favorite movie?
Standing Tall.
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of disabled children.
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.
What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.