Disability jokes

People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.

She can't see the obvious.

How do you surprise a blind man? Put a plunger in the toilet.

Wheelchair soccer is just IRL Rocket League. Change my mind.

The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.

Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.

What do you call a disabled Arab?

Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2).

What do you call a disabled person in a fire?

"HOT WHEELS!"

I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.

Why can't Stephen Hawking be the real Slim Shady?

Because he can't stand up, can't stand up.

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.

What is a disabled person's least favorite song?

"I'm Still Standing."

What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?

A wheel dealer.

What do you call a sped kid in a wheelchair that caught on fire?

Hot Wheels.

What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?

He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.

When I have a staring contest, I always win.

Every day, I see blind people who hate me.

I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."

What do you call an autistic kid going down the stairs in a wheelchair?

Hot Wheels!

What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"

How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?

You move the chairs.