Disability jokes
There may be hope for Stephen Hawking yet.
His nose runs.
What shoe size is Stephen Hawking?
It doesn't matter—he can't walk anyway.
Why are batteries quicker than Stephen Hawking?
Because they can run out.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to his fridge but get nothing out?
It was a dummy run.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
Because there was only a stairway to heaven and no lifts.
If half of Stephen Hawking's house was painted red and half was painted blue, what color were the stairs?
He didn't have any.
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.
Why couldn't the teacher let her kids out?
Because she has no arms to open the door.
Why couldn't the farmer tend to the crops?
Because he's got no arms.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar.
Oh, is that how he ended up in a wheelchair?
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a police officer?
Because he can't use a walkie-talkie.
What is Stephen Hawking's favourite music?
Rock and roll.
What do you call a pool full of disabled people?
Vegetable soup.
Why did the paraplegic cross the road?
Because they didn't have any handicapped parking spots on his side.
What do you call an autistic person who is a dumbass? A dumbism.
I saw a Down syndrome kid waving at me today, but there's no way I'm swimming all the way over there to save him.
"Eugheugh," said the boy.
What do sped gymnasts wear?
A Reotard.
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
What's something you shouldn't tell a paraplegic that's being confronted by a bully?
Just walk away.