Disability jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking's girlfriend finish with him? Because he would never walk her home.
What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?
"That's the best shag I never had."
What idiot said to Stephen Hawking, "You can't run before you can walk"?
At least Stephen Hawking could go on a pub crawl.
Where was Stephen Hawking born?
Under a coconut tree.
Which is the odd one out? FISH, SNAKE, STEPHEN HAWKING, HORSE.
Horse, of course — the rest can't walk.
Why was Stephen Hawking known as lazy?
Because he was always sitting on the job.
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
There may be hope for Stephen Hawking yet.
His nose runs.
What shoe size is Stephen Hawking?
It doesn't matter—he can't walk anyway.
Why are batteries quicker than Stephen Hawking?
Because they can run out.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to his fridge but get nothing out?
It was a dummy run.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
Because there was only a stairway to heaven and no lifts.
If half of Stephen Hawking's house was painted red and half was painted blue, what color were the stairs?
He didn't have any.
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.
Why couldn't the teacher let her kids out?
Because she has no arms to open the door.
Why couldn't the farmer tend to the crops?
Because he's got no arms.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar.
Oh, is that how he ended up in a wheelchair?
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a police officer?
Because he can't use a walkie-talkie.