Die jokes
Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?
A: At least you don't die when you shower.
What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?
They both will die alone.
How did the gay girl die? Homicide.
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Face the truth, Jake could have went on the door, but Rose wanted him to die.
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
Why did he die? He forgot to get a new GPU for his new PC.
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
How did the gay man die? Homicide.
An emo kid and a silent kid would be a good acquaintance because the emo would wish to die, and the silent kid would be the nice guy and grant that wish.
The emo kid said, "I wanna die." But the quiet kid said, "Nah, I'm gonna die myself, bye!"
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
Weirdo: I'm too high to die!
Me: You'll just fall harder.
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
To Cock-A-Doodle Die. Now you have a rooster pancake. My favorite. ^^
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."