Die jokes
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
Dying mall be like...
"Toys" were us.
Goodbye, kitty.
Dying Canes.
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
Sayori: *dies*
Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊"
MC: "😨"
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?
DeterMIENATION