Dick's jokes
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
My dick is hard as a rock, anyone wanna fuck?
My dick hard.
Nick sucks dick.
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.
What goes in dry and comes out wet?
A dick.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!
Do you know Candice?
Candice dick fit in your mouth!
I dicked your mom down so good, bitch!
What do you call a crying dick?
I call it a crying dick.
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
Calculate my dick, virgins!
Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.
When she says she wrestles, so you pull out your dick and she punches it.
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask nicely.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
I'm not gay, dick.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
My dick is hard, what's your name?