Despair jokes

Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".

I wanna die.

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!

Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.

Wanna know why I don’t make suicidal jokes?

Because I am one.

Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.

It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.

It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.

Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.

I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

What did I say to the bridge?

Bye, bridge.

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.