Despair jokes

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.

I wanna die.

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.

Me: I have lost it.

Random: Lost what?

Me: My will to live.

I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.

Why doesn't my egg want to crack?

Because I hate my egg-sistence.

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.

A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"

"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.

"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."