Despair jokes

Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".

I wanna die.

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.

Wanna know why I don’t make suicidal jokes?

Because I am one.

Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.

I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.

It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.

It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.

Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

What did I say to the bridge?

Bye, bridge.

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.