Deaf jokes

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?

Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.

Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.

Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.

Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.

Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.

Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.

Kid: It's not an Apple product.

Indian poor dad: It's a banana.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”

What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas? AIDS.

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

You can say what you want about deaf people...

I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!

I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.

Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

So this guy we talked to wanted me to leave forever, and we said, "What? You never want to hear from me again?"

Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?

Johnny was deaf.

There was a guy I knew who owned a foot-high piano player.

He had found a magic lamp and rubbed it. The genie popped out and gave him one wish.

The guy thinks the genie was a bit deaf, as all he got was a 12" pianist.

Deaf people suck lots of dicks.

They can't hear!

What did the blind deaf orphan child get for Christmas?

cancer.

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?

Answer: cancer.

The deaf man said to the waiter:

"Mmmm."

The waiter said, "No English."

Then the deaf man signed, "F U."

So Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a stool, then a table, then a door...

What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?

Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.