Deaf jokes
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
Watch BNHA season 4 today!
What does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don't know; it's not like they're gonna hear it anyway.
There was a deaf man. He was deaf. Ha, sucks for him! (sans undertale)
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
What do you call a deaf child?
-Ryan Simmonite-
A mom says to her son: "Hey, can you wave to that deaf kid over there?"
The son: "I don't know, can I?"
The mom: "May you?"
The son: "No, I don't have any arms!"
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”