Dead jokes
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.
Memes
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
What do you do when a baby starts to cry?
You use more lube.
Stephen Hawking isn't dead; his update is just laggy because he is too far from the WiFi box.
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?
Because she’s dead.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.
The next day I saw a dead orphan.
What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
So Kobe Bryant walked into a bar, just kidding, he's dead and his fame went spiraling out of control.