Couple Jokes

So my friends birthday is in a couple of day's, and I was wondering what to get him. He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers'

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?". She replied, "Two or three". Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.

Priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube... priest asks what are you guys doing the boys answer the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on

What do orphis and broke up couples have any common

They cant see each other anymore

Why were there 2 boys on the bay?

Because they were gay!

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked "What does that mean?"

I said "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

i hate it when couples get into a little fight and the change their Facebook status to "single". i have fights with my parents but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan".

A couple enters a Chinese restaurant. Took their seats. The waiter asked ‘Xiang Chi Shen Ma’ and the wife said ‘Chi Ji Ba’

was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

Not a joke but still dc

My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg. She got really scared and yelled at the doctor telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.

If two Stoners get married, do they have Joint assets?

A killer gone up to 5 people and kill 4 of them there were 2 couples and 1 3rd wheel the 5th one was left single out...

Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault.... couple years ago all my grains got loose.

A hobo couple is making out under a bridge. The gf goes - Johnny, why your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!

What the you call a couple of orphans a coupleorphans

Who named their daughter Macadamia? A couple of nuts.

A snorlax was in a bar. And he was drinking beer when an Eevee and a Rockruff hopped onto a stool. The Eevee ordered an oranberry special for the both of them.

Snorlax: Y'all make the perfect couple.

Random Zorua: Dragonite, is it just an illusion, or is that snorlax fatter than this region?