How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"
A couple has sex in the dark every single night.
One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."
So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.
He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.
Why were there 2 boys on the bay?
Because they were gay!
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
What do orphans and broken up couples have in common?
They can't see each other anymore.
I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"
She replied, "Two or three."
Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
i hate it when couples get into a little fight and the change their Facebook status to "single". i have fights with my parents but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan".
A couple enters a Chinese restaurant. Took their seats. The waiter asked ‘Xiang Chi Shen Ma’ and the wife said ‘Chi Ji Ba’
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?
A killer gone up to 5 people and killed 4 of them. There were 2 couples and 1 third wheel. The 5th one was left single out...
Who named their daughter Macadamia? A couple of nuts.
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge. The gf goes - Johnny, why your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault.... couple years ago all my grains got loose.
What the you call a couple of orphans a coupleorphans
A snorlax was in a bar. And he was drinking beer when an Eevee and a Rockruff hopped onto a stool. The Eevee ordered an oranberry special for the both of them.
Snorlax: Y'all make the perfect couple.
Random Zorua: Dragonite, is it just an illusion, or is that snorlax fatter than this region?
