Couple jokes
What do you call a black couple who's on welfare and food stamps?
Lay-Z and Freeyonce
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.
I called her the Fallen Angel.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?
The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.
The gay couple was still packing their shit.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.