What do retarded cops give tickets for?
Going over 45 in a potato zone.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop?
Ivana Pulyova.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
