Concert jokes
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..." The room was full of arm amputees.
Yo mama so ugly, she went to a fat concert and they said no experts allowed! 😂
Ariana Grande
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case his lyrics made the crowd jump!
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
Why did the rapper bring a vacuum to the concert?
So the haters could SUCK on him!
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!
Bob Weir: Where are you going?
Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈
Why did the rapper bring a calculator to the concert?
To COUNT his BARS.
Why did the rapper take a bath before his concert?
To get his flow SQUEAKY CLEAN!
Why did the rapper take a shower before the concert?
To WASH AWAY the haters!
What do you call a person in a wheelchair with a speaker?
Rolling Loud 🎸🎸
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
Why was the rapper always calm during performances?
Because he had a rap-titude for chillin'!
Did you hear about the Mexican emo band? They're called "Hispanic at the Disco."
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.