Comedian jokes

Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.

Me: But you are not standing:)

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they're not laughing now!

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.