When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
Why did the moron throw his clock out the window?
The clocks reminded him of Richard Clock, the convict who knife-raped his wife.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
What type of clock is both cringe and an app?
TikTok.
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.
What did the minute hand say to the hour hand?
Why are you so tall?
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
What time eeeeeee?
There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.
What time is it when a nurse's here?
It's nurse-thirty.
Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
What time is it when you get home, can you walk home and walk?
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
Guys to wind the clock up?
What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!
