Clock

Clock jokes

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I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.

"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."

"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."

I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!

When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!

Why did the moron throw his clock out the window?

The clocks reminded him of Richard Clock, the convict who knife-raped his wife.

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

How do you know when itā€™s bedtime at Michael Jacksonā€™s house?

The big hand is on the little hand!

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    • Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

    "These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

    "Oh, cool."

    "This is Mother Teresaā€™s clock; the clock hasnā€™t moved because she never lied."

    "Makes sense."

    "This is Abraham Lincolnā€™s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

    "Whereā€™s Trumpā€™s clock?"

    "Oh, weā€™re using it as a ceiling fan."

    And then I burst out laughing 'cause itā€™s so true.

    There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.