Clock

Clock Jokes

Time

Why did the clock eat so fast?

He wanted to go in for SECONDS! Super bad, huh?

Tic Tac

When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!

Moron

Why did the moron throw his clock out the window?

The clocks reminded him of Richard Clock, the convict who knife-raped his wife.

Time

How do you kill time?

Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.

Man

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

Hand

What did the minute hand say to the hour hand?

Why are you so tall?

Bedtime

How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

The big hand is on the little hand!

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  • Museum

    Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

    "These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

    "Oh, cool."

    "This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

    "Makes sense."

    "This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

    "Where’s Trump’s clock?"

    "Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

    And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

    Alarm Clock

    There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.

    Time

    Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?

    He wanted to see time fly.

    Time

    What time is it when you get home, can you walk home and walk?

    Time

    What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!