Classroom jokes
Teacher: "Okay, so how are you going?"
Student: "I'm not going."
Teacher: "Oh, so you're a wheelchair person?"
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
Teacher: This assignment is big.
Student (male): I have something that's big.
Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.
Why do special ed classes have fans?
To keep the vegetables nice and fresh.
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
Playing a game called 7-Up.
Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?
Teacher: It's cheating!
Student: No! It's the object of the game.
A teacher asked her class “what is sex?”
Little Johnny got up and said: “Sex is a *temptation* Caused by a *sensation* Where the boy sticks his *location* Into a girls *destination* To increase the *population* Of the next *generation* Did you get my *explanation*? Or do you need a *demonstration*?”
The teacher faints.
An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.
I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”
I teach orphans.
But the problem is I can't give them homework.
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"
Professor: "Oui oui."
Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"
I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.
Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?
Because that's the average classroom size.
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
School shooting happens:
Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk.
American student: “First time?”
The student from Irak with an AK47: "RAtatata..."
Teacher: "What's your name?"
Student: "Hang on a second."
10 seconds later:
Teacher: "Is something wrong?"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
20 seconds later:
Teacher: "Don't say a word!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Teacher: "Come here and tell me your name right now!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't call for help!!!"
Student: "Just listen to me!"
Teacher: "Go on, speak!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't push my patience; this is no joke!!! Tell me your name right now!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."