Childhood jokes

When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.

Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"

Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.

So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.

What do you call a child version of Batman?

The Raped Crusader.

I figure it's ok to hit orphans.

What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because their dad left and never came back home with the milk.

What’s an orphan’s favorite beer?

Fosters.

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

They can't find home.

What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?

The ant knows where home is.

Why are orphans so bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house looks like.

Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?

It's the only way they’ll get love.

Why can't orphans ride a bike?

'Cause their parents won't follow them.

What are two plus sides to being an orphan?

1. All your snacks are family sized.

2. No one can make jokes about your mama.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."

Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?

Because there is no family.

Ok, so my brother made this, here it is:

Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? Chicken garbage!

Ok I know it makes no sense, but he made it when he was like 3.

What's an orphan's favorite store?

Home Depot.

There's an upside to being an orphan; every snack they get is family size.