Cemetery jokes
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Look, it's the dead center of town!
Me seeing a little girl crying
So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.
The tree left him hanging though.
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.
A sad guy called "nun" is crying next to the grave of his best friend called "month". "Month" got killed by a gay guy, and after that, "nun" got homophobic.
While "nun" is sitting next to "month"'s grave, he heard a guy ask his friend: 《Do You Wanna Play A Game On?》 "Nun" got angry and he asked that guy: 《What did you just say to your friend?》 The guy answers: 《A game on, why?》
"Nun" kills the two guys.
🤔
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:
While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral? While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.