Cemetery jokes
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.
Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.
Why is the graveyard so noisy?
Because of all the coffin : )
When there’s an earthquake, coffins become underground maracas.
Cemeteries should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.
The tree left him hanging though.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
I put the fun in funeral.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
Why should you put an orphanage by a cemetery?
So they can always see their parents.
GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:
While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”