Cemeteries should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
This isn't really a joke, but it's true. Your picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
The cemetery is so overcrowded.
People are just dying to get in.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."
Look, it's the dead center of town!
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
Theres something special about cemeteries People are dying to get inside
When there’s an earthquake, coffins become underground maracas.
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:
While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”
