Care jokes
So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.
Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?
Because they’ve got guardians!
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.
Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."
Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."
"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."
Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."
Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?
We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.
Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"
Because it doesn't matter your age.
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
So, if she gargles your cum, is that a jacuzzi daycare?
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.
God, I love working at an orphanage!
I love you.
I love orphans, so at least they know someone loves them.
What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?
A homeless shelter.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
The dear God created the man.
Then he created woman.
When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!