Cant jokes
Comedy is so woke these days. You can't make fun of any disadvantaged group.
Except people with Alzheimer's. They'll just forget you made the joke in five minutes anyway.
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!
Your hairline is so [bad] Will Smith can't slap it back in place.
Happy birthday to you, you look like a ball, can’t fit in my jaws, I try to suck it.
Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
It’s because they can’t find home plate.
An orphan finds a genie.
Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."
Genie: "Of course."
Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."
Genie: "Done."
Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"
Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"
Why can't poor people write jokes?
Because they make no cents.
Note to all.
My name is Lariah. Lariah Carla Brown, 14 years old and I am 1 of triplets. I don't understand how rape jokes are funny, and I just want to make that statement clear. I also hate orphan jokes because I WAS one. Notice when I put WAS! I also see jokes about cancer, now I know you can't be kidding. You know that cancer is a disease that many people get and could die from, so you are just wrong about that!
Why can’t orphans eat a big bag of chips?
They are family sized.
You're so fat you're the reason they made tread "meals".
You're so ugly we can't have neighbors.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
What do you call a Mexican who can’t find the bar?
Barlos.
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
What type of bee can't make up his mind?
A maybe.
Why can’t an orphan be gay?
They don’t have a closet to hide in.
What can't an orphan spell?
Home.
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
There's a home button.
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”