Canning jokes

What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

Why are orphans not that good at baseball?

They can never hit a homerun.

Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?

Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.

How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?

'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.

Wow, paint can, you have such a colorful personality!

What place can you find a cow? Mc'Donalds (Eieio)

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

I need to call candy. What's candy? Candy can "bofe" if these balls fit in your mouth.

So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.

The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

Why is something orphans can never say?

"Let's go home."

What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!

What can you build with people? A boat!

What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?

Noise!

I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.

Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?

A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.

I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)

What's the difference between a club and a bar?

I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.