Canning jokes

"Soph, can we talk?"

Prince, can we please chat now? Pls, pls! Love you!

I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.

What's the Fastest 20000 Meter Dash a Human Can Run?

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

Kid: I want to be like Batman.

Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.

Genie: I told you.

Kid: .............................................

You’re so short, you can swing your legs when you sit on a stool.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Please.

Please who?

Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.

Lol.

Q: Why do men say "ladies first?"

A: So they can look at their a**.

How can you find out how old a cabbage is?

By looking at its cabbAGE.

Can you see me?

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can never find home.

Pigeons can be annoying at times, especially when their bones get stuck in-between your teeth.

What do you call roller skates you can walk in?

"Wock n' roll."

My father can take a joke because he made one.

When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?

How can you make a orphans hand bleed?

Real them to clap until there parent come home.

El, can you grab me that bow?

Is it just me, or can I see the Roman Empire from how far back your hairline goes?