Canning Jokes

What kind of fruit can fix your sink?

A plum-ber.

Why can you never surprise mountains?

They peak.

Orphan: Can I come over?

Girl: Yeah, but you have to bring your parents.

My guy: I have a Q-Tip.

Me: You can Q my tip.

My guy: Ayo!

Guy with no arms: Even if I don’t have arms, I can do everything you can do.

🎵if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands🎵

💡 idea. Start a confidential organization that only recruits via invite. Stockpile heavy duty weapons in an si when the time comes we can defend America from any domestic threat. just a silly idea

The image shows a painting of the founding fathers signing a document above a US flag, and an assault rifle. Text on the image reads: "2nd Amendment has nothing to do with hunting or home defense. It's about defending our freedom from oppressive government."

Yo mama so fat, she can't go up the elevator; she can only go down.

Anybody can use this :)

Slow and steady wins the race, but it won't fix your ugly face. 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."

"Know, know how there."

"Lesh, lesh how can you at lesh remember my name?"

A donut is not empty inside, that was a hole in the middle. If I'm a donut, the hole used to be where I put my feeling and happiness, but people snatch it away from me.

Anyway, can someone put a hole in my physical body too? I kinda wanted to see people cry for me just like how people cry for Ace from One Piece.

jacethehater, you are a hater, and it needs to stop! Waterhsharky is very nice to people, so leave him alone for whatever he/she did or did not do. He did not do nothing. So leave him/her alone. Plus, making threats to people is very bad, and comments can be seen everywhere! So don't get too cocky with everything.

I can't make any more songs because nobody likes them. So when you see a song you like, give it a like so I can continue making more songs.

If anyone would like a song played, type it in the comments. Type the name of the song, then type the person who made the song, the songwriter. Sincerely, Watersharky Music Productions.