Canning jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.

What is a redneck virgin?

Answer: A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers!

So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?

Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.

Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.

Kid 1: Aw, thanks!

Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10

I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.

What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?

Have a blood transfusion.

Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!

What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?

What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.

Why did the dinosaur take a bath?

So it can get ex-stinked!

Why do orphans play baseball?

That’s the only way they can run to home.

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

Bob: Can I come to your house to meet your family?

Orphan: I don't have a family.

Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?

Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?

Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?

Why do orphans love Oreos?

Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.

What's one advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody can make mama jokes about you. 🌚

What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?

They can both flash.

If you call the number 800-273-8500 in Afghanistan, they say, "Can you fly a plane?"

You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.