New Canning Jokes - Page 30 - Worst Jokes Ever

Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.

Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.

Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

The man says, "Can you hump me?" So the other boy says, "Bro bro bro bro bro."

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?

A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.

Why can you hit orphans?

Because they can't tell their parents.

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?

Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.

Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.

Obv, unless you share your residence.

"In chess, a queen can move in more directions than the king."

I mean, yeah, the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor, so-

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can never get a home run. 😭

Can I get a HOYA?

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

What do orphans and police not have in common?

The police can actually go home.

She asked:

"How can you explain a yellow color to a blind man?"

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”