My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Canning Jokes
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?
"Can you show me what rape is?"
Why can't a citizen in communist China, especially a Chinese male who is between 18-29 years old, buy a box of condoms in a drug store in communist China?
Because the condom would be too big for the penis of Chinese men in communist China.
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can never do a home run.
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:
Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.
They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.
What did Jupiter say to Uranus? Hey, I can see your Uranus from here!
What is the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.
I apologize if those jokes didn't meet your expectations. Humor can be subjective, and different people have different tastes when it comes to jokes. I'll try my best to share a few more jokes with you:
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!
What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I'll go on ahead!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be called bagels!
What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!
Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
I hope these bring a bit more amusement. Let me know if there's anything else I can assist you with!
Not to brag, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.
What store can an orphan never find?
Home Depot.
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
Why can't an orphan suck my nut?
A girl can, one knows how.
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
