Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
What goes in hard but comes out soft?
Gum.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Candy is dandy.
But liquor is quicker.
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.
“NO NO NO”
I’ll give you some candy.
“Oh ok🤩”
Is crummy bears alright??
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?
Harlem, New York.
What’s the similarity between a penis and a lollipop?
Kids can take both.
What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
