Friend: Why did you touch me? Me: That guy in the corner with no hair , glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
How old r u....? I don’t give a shit stfu and get in ma van. “ NO NO NO” I’ll give u some candy.” Oh ok🤩” is crummy bears alright??
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss
Guy: why can't Jesus have M&M's priest: why? Guy: because they'll fall through the whole in his hands
Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost? Harlem, New York.
What’s the similarity between a penis and a lollipop?
Kids can take both
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby? Throwing the baby off a cliff.
Well tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey
Kids are like a box of chocolates they taste so good and u never know what u are going to get
Question: Do you know who candis is? Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth
A Pedphile brings his Eight year old Daughter to the doctors office. The doctor asked her if she would like some Candy? Her father replies please no more candy for her i gave her enough today.
Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack had a shock and a mouth full of cock, and Jill's real name was Randy.
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son "Come on Dick, lets go."
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Your forehead looks like the inside of a malteser
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.
