Candy jokes
Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
What do incest families do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.
Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
The Milky Way!
What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear.
What is the biggest candy in the world?
Candy Borobudur.
Why are the candy's clothes in the studio?
Because it's a wrapper.
Do you think Mars prefers Sour Orbiters sweet?
Orbiter: "Or bitter?"
What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?
A milk dud 😂
Yo mama so dumb, she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.
What's the sun's favorite chocolate? Mars bar.
What kind of bear has no teeth?
A gummy bear.
Dad, I'm hungry.
Hi, hungry, I'm Dad! 👋🍪🍩🍬🌮🍔🍗🍟🍤🍉🍭🍫🍰
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
Why did the blind kid drop his ice cream? He got run over by his mom.
What is an alien's favourite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, brown, and yellow?
So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.
A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will you be my girlfriend?"
Girl: "No, because you have a gun and a sword."
Man: "But I am already in love with you."
And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy.
The girl is glad that he has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again.
Man: "Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl."
And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender.
Man: "And here is some candy."
And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too.
One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him."
Girl: "I hate you, ugly man!"
Man: "Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl?"
The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don't serve-"
And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can't believe what he just saw, so he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender.
999 Service Guy: "999, what's your emergency?"
Old man: "I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword in his bag."
999 Service Guy: "Okay, no worries."
1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face.
Guy sitting at a table in the bar: "That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him."
And the police show up.
First Policeman: "Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag?"
The girl points to the man and says "This man."
Second Policeman: "Let's arrest him."
Man: "No, wait! I can explain."
Third Policeman: "Get in the back of the car."
When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years."
One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison.
The police see him and run after him.
Third Policeman: "Come back here!"
The man doesn't listen, and he keeps running, so the police shoot him and he dies.
And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.