The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work...
He’s a suicide bomber.
April Fool's joke: Go to an orphanage and tell them, "Their parents came back."
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
What does a crippled person's legs and the twin towers have in common, they both went down and never came back up
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
One time this kid came back from school and said "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said "Good news please.'' and the boy said "I got 100% on my math test today" and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said "Now to the bad news, I LIED"
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
i have a stepladder. my real ladder left for milk and never came back.
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
I had recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.
We found out that she died............... from an autopsy
Today my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings and when my brother walked past my mom asked me a question "what do you think of going through kids heads during a school shooting " That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom "bullets" we don't talk about this anymore
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion". The first guy came back with 10 apples and by the second one he started to grunt so he was killed and eaten. The second one came back with cherries and when he went to put the 10th one in he started to laugh so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven and the first guy said" dude you were so close what happened?" The second one said" I would have made it but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!"😝😝🤣🤣
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother carl. he got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. when we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. it was pretty cholerious.
Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation
I saw this one quote of the people who smile the most are covering the most pain I think this is true just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends but with my parents and family I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do. I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe 22/24 but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate saying I would tell her that my depression got worse she went along with it but I haven't told my mum and I know make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist
Kid. What is an orphans favorite breakfast? Teacher. What? Kid. Fruity pebbles with water Teacher. Why water? Kid. Cause it's dad never came back with the milk
3 men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live, only if they could achieve one thing. They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each. The first person returned with apples, the leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1....2 he screamed. The next person came back with grapes, 1,2,3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing, he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well, "well i saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples"
joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
Now, how about that drink?"
