A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.
Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.
He also forgot to pay the power bill.
If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
What does Adam look like?
The fat ginger baby of Boss Baby.
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
