Body jokes
When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.
FUCKING MENT
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
Do you know Imagine Dragons? Imagine dragon these nuts across your face!
I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.
Big feet equals mini meat.
Gay dik.
Smol Dik.
Plastik Dik.
Rubeh Dik.
Smooth Dik.
Metahl Dik.
Yo hairline is bigger than yo mama's booty.
You're so skinny the world turns to the left!
Your hairline had to "Fahrt" cuz my ass IS your hairline.
"5 dollars if a fat guy can find his penis."
What’s the best thing about midgets??
They don’t need to bend while giving blowjobs.
Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"
Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"
What do you call a dick that doesn't fit in an asshole?
A misfit.
They are hairy.
My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.
What's worse than sticking 12 raw oysters up your grandma's pussy and sucking them out?
Sticking 12 raw oysters up there and sucking out 13.