Body Weight jokes

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.

You know what? I know five fat people, and you're four of them!

Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"

Why are you so fat? I bet you take after your mom more.

What do you call a fat man with a rape whistle? Hogan!

Your momma is so fat that she can't even go skinny dipping.

Why are cheetahs the best animals?

The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.

A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.

Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.

Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.

One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.

Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.

While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.

A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.

Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.

With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.

Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.

I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.