An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar , '13 pints of water please' he says to the barman 'Oh fuck not you again' barman replies 'You boys are about to see something real special' says Jesus
Steven hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says... WAITTTT WHATTT
Im looking for the bartender
Person named Bart:
James Bond: vodka martini Bartender: shaken not sterd James Bond: do I look like I give a DAMN
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink, the bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk, the lady complained about this but then the bartender said, "just shut up and swallow"
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?" The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
Dog walks into a bar.. & Sez to bartender . I'm looking for the man who shot my paw..
Poipole walks into a bar and says “poipoipoipoi” The bartender says “ sorry but in order to get takeout you have to know how to speak a foreign language” Poipole says “Pika!”
a horse walks in a bar. the bartender said why the long face
Two kids walked into a bar, they were covered with blood. the bartender asked what happened. The youngest said "Well, we we're trying to paint our basement but we threw the babies too hard".
Guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells:who the fuck fucked my wife. Everybody silent for a second then the bartender said:mate you ain't got enough bullets
You go up to a bar and say hi he doesn’t look at you you keep saying hi he says what then you realize that he is the one that u stole his lady from but then he doesn’t give you any drink you say why he screams at you and then says YOUR FIVE
A TWELVE VOLT BATTERY walks into a tavern and orders a drink.The bartender serves him , and comments now don't start anything .
Blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar. The Blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash. The bartender yells Sir Stop! What are you doing!? The Blind guy say, I'm just looking around.
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus. The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?" Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus,the bartender says "Don't you mean a Martini?"the Roman then says "Look,if I want a double I'll ask for one.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligators mouth and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? Nothing she was hung over
