Bartender jokes
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”
The bartender says, “No, only women.”
The man then leaves.
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
A black man entered a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender says, "That looks exotic, where’d you get it?"
"Africa," the parrot responded.
Community talk
Since this site is so FUCKING dead all the time, I have a fun game for y'all to play! Every day, there's going to a poll where YOU guys control what a person named "Jamal" does. Story number 1 is going to be "BBC Bounty: Cartel Craves That N***a Nut".
Before we start, *THIS STORY HAS GRAPHIC CONTENT, DON'T READ IF YOU FIND IT OFFENSIVE (obviously no N-words and they're only censored because of Matt's rule). And hon… Read more
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife." (Repost!)